Sally Hikaka

Pare Kawawa: Navigating Grief is a kawakawa leaf monoprint which has been appliquéd on to a fabric background and embellished with embroidery.

The materials used are cotton fabric, cotton thread and textile paints. It is a new work which came about because I wanted to articulate the impact that the shootings & subsequent deaths of the 51 people in the mosques in Christchurch has had, and continues to have, on our nation and, of course, it has become a way for me to process my own grief.

New Zealand is a small nation and to lose 51 people in this way is incomprehensible. When I realised I knew one of the 51 my already broken heart felt like it might explode from grief.

I wanted this work to remember them, to represent the 51 people who have died. I wanted the work to be quiet, to be gentle but not fragile. I wanted it to be light; to suggest the time and the light that comes after the heavy darkness of death. The moment when things shift, spirits lift, time expands, stretches to infinity and the mind can quieten so that the heart can remember. And, above all else, I wanted it to be beautiful.

I have found it impossible to write about & very difficult to talk about it. There seem to be too many words, too many stories and I find the words & the stories become chaotic when I try to write them down. My thoughts become cluttered and disorderly. The sheer volume of words becomes as unbearable as the grief.

When I sit and stitch I don’t question. My choices are clear and instinctive. I simply make one stitch at a time. I intuitively know what to do. I trust the process and my heart guides me. My mind is free to wander and when the tears come I pause to let them fall.

It will be nice when I am able to stop crying…but it seems that it won’t be today.